Jumping on the bandwagon

For the past week, over half of my Facebook friends have posted what they are thankful for. I haven’t. Every time I read their status updates, I feel a twinge of guilt for not posting what I am thankful for. After all, I am thankful for a lot. Last night it seemed that everyone is posting about thankfulness. Today, every time my phone buzzes, it’s a status update about Thanksgiving. As I sat with the blank status update window last night, I comtemplated posting how thankful I am for family, food, shelter, my life. I just couldn’t do it. Somewhere inside me this tiny nonconformist voice kept saying “Don’t jump on the bandwagon. You’re thankful all the time. You don’t have to type a status message just to be like everyone else.” I’m realizing that I am a jumbled up mix of wanting to fit in and wanting to be different. I have enjoyed my journey away from mainstream parenting. It makes me proud when people say I’m screwing Grace up when I still respond to her cries at 2 1/2. The shock on their faces when I mention that she still sleeps with us makes me grin. I love that my sister thinks my raw milk is strange. I think it’s great that my friends warn me “It’s not organic and it has high-fructose corn syrup in it, should I get her something else,” before offering Grace a snack. I love being looked at funny when I talk about learning to soak grains and eat fermented food. Lately though, I’ve been wondering, am I trading one bandwagon for another? I recently read a tweet about lavender causing early puberty. Another study I read talked about the dangers of tea tree oil. It seems that a lot of the natural stuff isn’t that great either. I still think it’s better than artificial, but my crunchiness is waning at times. It’s like the crunchy side of me is fighting with the mainstream me. I know finding balance is key, that I can be a little of both- but that’s difficult. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I want black and white, cut and dry. So, for the time being I’ll keep flip-flopping between one identity and the other. And, I’ll post what I’m thankful once the last Thanksgiving status message disappears from my news feed.

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