My daughter is enrolled in gymnastics. After moving up to the kindergym class, she has recently decided to quit, but that’s a whole other post in itself. Her biggest struggle is the balance beam. She usually does great on the first one, but somewhere in the transfer between the first and second beam, she loses her confidence and balance. She wobbles in between the beams, climbs on the second, and falls off a few times. Without someone holding her hand, she is completely unable to walk the second beam, even though it’s no different than the first.
I can relate. Not so much on a balance beam- I’ve never had the coordination for that. Little changes really throw me for a loop, much like the change in beams throws my daughter for a loop at kindergym. Anthony was recently promoted to a salaried manager position. His job means long hours and going in off shift quite frequently. I’m not a flexible person. I like to know exactly what time he will be home, what days he will be working the following week. When he calls at 9:00pm to say he won’t be home at 10:00, that it will be midnight intead, I lose my balance.
I’m struggling with finding the balance between being a supportive, unconditionally loving wife and sticking up for myself, our family, his well-being. I want to let him lead, but I also know that he is the kind of person who doesn’t see a problem until it’s huge. He’ll work himself so hard that he wears himself out, he and I will have no time together, and Grace will miss her daddy too much. If I complain, he’ll be home but will let his work suffer. I feel like I’m sending him mixed messages- one minute fine with him working, the next angry that we will only have dinner together as a family two nights this week. I find myself asking “How do I find the balance.”
I think the answer goes back to gymnastics. With one of us holding her hand, Grace is able to regain her composure and her balance. She can successfully finish walking on the beam. While I want to push her to do it alone, I know that really, there is no harm in holding her hand. She’s only three- still a bit of a baby mixed in with child. There is no need for her to go it alone. In the same way, God is here to hold my hand, to help me balance, to pull be back when I lean too far one way or the other. I’m still a child, His child. I don’t need to have it all figured out, instead I need to reach for His hand and hold on tight. With His helping hand, I’ll be able to balance this season of our life and eventually transition to the next one.
